pre-order THE FOOL ffm.to/sate-thefool
It’s time to step off the cliff [holy shit] Almost can’t believe I’m saying this — freaking out a bit…
I started recording this album in 2018, put it on hold, opened it [and myself] up again — tore it down, built it up, tweaked a little here, added a little there. When I tell you this shit was a journey? [holy fuck] I got called out and in by ancestors, guides and dreams that have been patiently waiting for me to step into and off the mf cliff.
Kicking and screaming, I put one foot in front of the other, embarking on the journey towards the edge of the cliff. My insecurities became my lover [still in the process of giving up the lover, cause that shit is toxic af]. The other day, I traced a big reason for my trepidations, while reflecting on the past five years, I realized just how heartbroken I was. A little (a lot) depressed. From 2016-2020, I lost my father, my mother-in-law and finally my mother, not to mention this global past year and a half. I’m a Libra stellium (means I have more than three placements in Libra) and I’m used to just getting up and going (I’m dominant cardinal energy — Libra, Cancer & Aries placements — get up and goers), plus I’ve got my go-tos that I go-to to keep me going, some I couldn’t access and then there’s the fact that I mostly just didn’t feel inspired to anything. Grief had taken hold of me, and well, just sit in it. I sat in conflict of relief, release, joy, overwhelm, sadness, emptiness, laughter, nothingness, all at the same time.
So when my manager asked me, “what’s going on with this album? Are you putting it out or no?” I really grappled. I didn’t know if I was ready. I cried a lot and beat myself up and down, convinced myself that no one cared, that I sucked — THE SLUDGE CAME OUT! And I had to face it all, and I’m not just talking about music, I was in my dark night of the soul running from shadow work, getting smacked down by it simultaneously. I was in the chrysalis, liquified and reforming. The Tarot cards, oracle cards, dreams and whispers in my ear kept pushing me to the edge. Eventually, I found myself at the edge of the cliff bawling, sobbing, and back at me — with me, beside me, peeling myself off the ground.
I went back in, because where tf was I going? I had the time. But this time, setting up my own home studio, learning how to engineer my own sessions (aka recording myself, by myself), comp my vocals (aka splicing together my favourites vocal takes — sometimes down to a word or phrase!), tried my hand at producing (you’ll hear a couple tracks on the album) and even taught myself Photoshop (yeah, I did all of the artwork — more about that in another dump). I learned that there were aspects of this vision that I had to take the reigns of, to make it look or sound the way I saw and felt deep inside of me. And the other aspects, I learned how to ask for what I wanted and I nitpicked — Goddess Bless Hill Kourkoutis (my producer) and her patience, support, understanding through the entire journey. I locked myself in my studio for hours on end, crying, dreaming and pushing myself, rebirthing, settling into my skin, this body, this existence that I chose to experience. Also reminding myself that I was worthy aka shedding the lie of unworthiness — this human experience is so full and complicated.
Making THE FOOL was a test of trusting & surrendering to my intuition, meeting a reflection of all of my selves with compassion & acceptance and an affirmation, truly testing my faith in this music thing, this thing that will forever have my heart, this thing that is my life force, my legacy, my blood — my way. ‘m looking forward to you all walking to the edge and jumping off the cliff with me.
Jake Gyllenhaal said it in Brokeback Mountain, “I can’t quit you.” And I’mma do it til I’m done.
THE FOOL is OUT 11.04.2021 pre-order here: ffm.to/SATE-TheFool
